Yay! Fiction365 published another story of mine, Faithless. It's their feature today, Monday 21. If you have a moment to take a stroll over and read it--it's short, something like 500 words--I'd be super curious to hear your thoughts.
Very, very nice Guilie! I like the smooth voice and the escalation of tension. The repetition of "until last night" worked especially well in helping that buildup.
Excellent conflict of emotions at the ending, too -- she's regretful and yet not; satisfied and yet empty. It's clear the encounter was completely meaningless, and yet it meant everything -- both in what she gained during it, and what she stands to lose as part of the fallout afterward.
Excellent. And also a big congratulations for getting it published!
Beautifully written. I can see why it was published. On some level, I wonder if we all haven't been there. guilty for something, or maybe not quite guilty. But knowing we have to live with ourselves after.
Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to leave a comment here. I agree--guilt is in all of us, in one way or the other, for different reasons. How we deal with it is a large marker of our character, I think.
Brilliant. I connected with the character (having been married nearly nine years) and the story is well constructed. The reader knows the cheating is going to happen and then sucks down each juicy detail like a voyeuristic fly on the wall. Excellent flow throughout, and I like the ending. You get the sense that the character's guilt may be stronger and last longer than the passion of that fleeting night, yet she won't wish it didn't happen.
Thanks for the feedback, Tamara! I hadn't thought of the ending that way, but you're right--she doesn't seem fully repentant, does she? Sorry, yes, but for *what*? For the betrayal maybe, but, like you say, not for the actual deed. One thing this character never revealed to me (and maybe I should spend some more time with her, try to expand on this, just out of curiosity) is whether she'd tell her husband or not. Like I mentioned above in reply to Torggil, I think how we handle guilt determines a big chunk of our character. Who will she be after this encounter?
I uncomfortably related to the character. After ten years of marriage you think you know yourself, but the truth is we all are capable of almost anything.
I like that she "gave in with a whimper." Sexual overtones aside, that's the way things end, that's how we surrender. While something got started that night, she also ended something.
It's interesting that she is left with "the normalcy that in itself is weirdness." Sometimes we are most surprised at how we don't change; how easy it is to go one as nothing every happened.
This is so true, Janna--I love your insight here, especially the "we are most surprised at how we don't change, how easy it is to go on as if nothing ever happened". When things happen that change us inside we really expect to see evidence of it on the outside, and when we don't... It's weird, isn't it? Thanks for reading!
Congratulations Guilie. It's a wonderful story, one that every individual who has ever felt a sense of guilt that goes hand-in-hand with betrayal, can relate to... and that would be the entire human race!
Inspired by reality. That's intriguing. Your reality or someone else's? After all, as a writer you hone in on other people's emotions. The woman could have been sitting next to you on the plane. Could have. I'm nominating you for the Kreative Blogger award. Smile!
Very, very nice Guilie! I like the smooth voice and the escalation of tension. The repetition of "until last night" worked especially well in helping that buildup.
ReplyDeleteExcellent conflict of emotions at the ending, too -- she's regretful and yet not; satisfied and yet empty. It's clear the encounter was completely meaningless, and yet it meant everything -- both in what she gained during it, and what she stands to lose as part of the fallout afterward.
Excellent. And also a big congratulations for getting it published!
Wow, Chris--thank you! I'm so glad the story worked for you, and thank you for this great insight!
DeleteBeautifully written. I can see why it was published. On some level, I wonder if we all haven't been there. guilty for something, or maybe not quite guilty. But knowing we have to live with ourselves after.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading, and for taking the time to leave a comment here. I agree--guilt is in all of us, in one way or the other, for different reasons. How we deal with it is a large marker of our character, I think.
DeleteThanks for stopping by!
Brilliant. I connected with the character (having been married nearly nine years) and the story is well constructed. The reader knows the cheating is going to happen and then sucks down each juicy detail like a voyeuristic fly on the wall. Excellent flow throughout, and I like the ending. You get the sense that the character's guilt may be stronger and last longer than the passion of that fleeting night, yet she won't wish it didn't happen.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback, Tamara! I hadn't thought of the ending that way, but you're right--she doesn't seem fully repentant, does she? Sorry, yes, but for *what*? For the betrayal maybe, but, like you say, not for the actual deed. One thing this character never revealed to me (and maybe I should spend some more time with her, try to expand on this, just out of curiosity) is whether she'd tell her husband or not. Like I mentioned above in reply to Torggil, I think how we handle guilt determines a big chunk of our character. Who will she be after this encounter?
DeleteExcellent. congratulations on it being published.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bob!
DeleteI uncomfortably related to the character. After ten years of marriage you think you know yourself, but the truth is we all are capable of almost anything.
ReplyDeleteI like that she "gave in with a whimper." Sexual overtones aside, that's the way things end, that's how we surrender. While something got started that night, she also ended something.
It's interesting that she is left with "the normalcy that in itself is weirdness." Sometimes we are most surprised at how we don't change; how easy it is to go one as nothing every happened.
This is so true, Janna--I love your insight here, especially the "we are most surprised at how we don't change, how easy it is to go on as if nothing ever happened". When things happen that change us inside we really expect to see evidence of it on the outside, and when we don't... It's weird, isn't it? Thanks for reading!
DeleteLovely Guille, you have such emotion in there I can't not be drawn into the tale.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Gwen! I'm so glad you liked it :)
DeleteI enjoyed it :) especially the last paragraph ;)
ReplyDeleteMs. Monkey! Thanks for reading, and so glad to see you back!
DeleteCongratulations Guilie.
ReplyDeleteIt's a wonderful story, one that every individual who has ever felt a sense of guilt that goes hand-in-hand with betrayal, can relate to... and that would be the entire human race!
Inspired by reality. That's intriguing. Your reality or someone else's? After all, as a writer you hone in on other people's emotions. The woman could have been sitting next to you on the plane. Could have.
ReplyDeleteI'm nominating you for the Kreative Blogger award. Smile!
http://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.com/
Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteOff to read it now.