Do NOT read 50 Shades of Grey

This is fantastic and definitely needs to be shared. Help spread the word, people. Bad writing doesn't seem to be its own punishment--let's enlighten the world! If you know anyone who's reading that or any other baaaaaad book, share this list and save a mind :)

Apologetic (and funny) explanation Part II

The other reason why I fell off the face of the blogosphere there for a while is because I'm moonlighting as my own housekeeper. Our housekeeper, Nancy, went berserk.

She'd been with us for seven years. Older Colombian woman, fiftyish, very trustworthy--the kind of person we left in charge of the house and dogs when we went on vacation. Dependable, committed, good head on her shoulders. No children, but in a twenty-year-long relationship with a Dominican man. A hard worker, too. No beauty, but the work kept her in shape. She didn't seem to care either way--never saw her wear makeup, she dressed simply, comfortably, and although she dyed her hair, she often had an inch (or more) of grey roots showing.

Ladies & gentlemen, Contestant #2

Mexican elections are this coming Sunday July 1st. You know who's going to win?

This guy.

Andrés Manuel López Obrador, otherwise known as AMLO, or, if you're *really* a fan, AMLOVE. A tad too purple for me (you know how I'm all about banning purple prose these days), but you're free to spread your AMLOVE if you want.

At least, those of us with a halfway operating brain hope he wins, because alternatives are dire indeed. Presidential elections this year aren't a matter of who's best, but who's least worse.

You missed me?

I know, I'm a bad friend. Worse blogger. I've abandoned you, this awesome community of awesomer people, and although I know I don't deserve it, I'd like to humbly ask your forgiveness. I'd also like to explain what I've been up to--no, not an excuse. Just an explanation... And a couple of funny stories.

First: the MS. Did I mention editors are awesome? You missed that post, you say? Well, I'll say it again--sadly, not as well as Chuck Wendig--editors ROCK. And as a result of such rocking, my MS is undergoing some sorely needed reality checks.

REALITY CHECK ONE: the original manuscript took place 90% in 1995, only 10% in 2003. That wasn't working. The 1995 story is lovely and very cute, but it only acquires relevance in retrospect.

And the "retrospect" part was missing--duh. Major oversight. A few minor ones (like tension) also fell short. So I decided to add more into the 2003 timeline.

But the novel already was above 100K. In order to add even the word "retrospect", I had to cut. Yeah. Bitter moments.


REALITY CHECK TWO: Not only was the novel already long, but my editor also happened to drop the hint that there might be some "verbiage" that perhaps didn't add quite as much as I thought it did. 


Yeah--she's too tactful for her own good. But I'm good at reading between the lines, and I started noticing longish sentences, explanatory dialogue, scenes that didn't go anywhere... 


My editor, with a Mona Lisa smile, said, "be ruthless". 


Best advice ever. 

REALITY CHECK THREE: Another gem of a morsel from my editor: you're in love with your MCs. You solve problems for them. You don't let problems happen to them. In other words, m'dear (aka amateur), tension is lacking all over the place. It's not there. 


Yep, I looked, and--lo and behold. Zilch.


So now, woven into both the 2003 and 1995 timelines, a steel thread of razor-sharp tension has been added. Ok, is being added.

~ * ~

That's my first excuse for dropping the ball on Quiet Laughter here. I have another two for later, funny in a Fawlty Towers way, that I hope will soften your heart and earn me your forgiveness. Even a single iota of--


Yes, that's the prose that got me into trouble in the first place. Let me just say then that I love you, Quiet Laughter readers. I do. From the deepest recesses of my heart and liver, from within emotional places within my psyche that have no name still A lot.

Know Any Newbie Authors?

This might sound familiar ;)