And their mother says, "Say thank you, Robbie"--or Jenny, or Mindy, or whatever.
[At least that's the way it was when I was growing up. Nowadays parents seem oblivious to their kids' manners.]
Here's the lesson. It's not that the child isn't appreciative of your gift. He--or she--is dying to open it, to see what it is. Their heart is racing, adrenaline is flowing, endorphins are kicking in. They can't wait.
Mom, on the other hand, is all about social mores. "Say thank you."
So the kid does, kind of halfheartedly, or maybe a bit shyly if they're older. They'll feel a little embarrassed for the greed they feel, for the desire to get it over with and tear the damn thing open. And you'll nod, say they're very welcome and you hope they enjoy the toy--or book, or sweater, or whatever. You'll turn back to the mom, release the kid to the freedom of shredding paper and ribbons and plastic wrap and cardboard.
I don't think the child is wrong. That carpe diem of tearing gifts open, of getting excited over wrapping, over ribbons, is a wonderful thing. But I think Mom's lesson is pretty powerful. "Say thank you." Not because it's socially required, not because the gift-giver deserves the thanks, although they certainly do. I think it's important to say thank you because that pause of contemplation gives the gift depth.
In the hedonism of "a gift! a gift! a gift!", we forget to appreciate the moment. Moments pass so quickly. Saying thank you is a nod, however brief, to acknowledge it. Before it's gone.
Happy Thanksgiving, USA.
Oh I like that, and I definitely understand it from my own experience. I'm the kind of person who comes in running, scorched with thirst, lips cracked and mouth dry, and has to create the perfect glass of perfectly chilled water and get all distractions out of the way before she finally dives into that refreshing coolness.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah... pausing before satisfying a curiosity or enjoying the little perks of life is very much a way to internalize the moment and savor the anticipation. Most of the time, that feeling's better than the reward anyway. :)
Yes, very very powerful.. saying thanks. All kids (and adults) should learn to take a moment and be thankful. But when should that moment be? I don't believe the moment should be forced, especially not because of some social rule.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago I went through the list of gifts I apparently received at my baptism. I sent out silent thank yous to people I didn't know.
Thanks will be given when they are truly felt and as a parent one can surely find other ways to help a child to that moment. I, as the adult gift-giver, will give the child that chance.
Well said, er, written. I actually don't mind if a kid thanks me or not for a gift. I just hope they enjoy the thing. What's really cool is when the 'thank-you' comes spontaneously out of their mouths once they see what the gift is. But I love the point you've made here. I certainly am guilty of rushing through my day without thanks for the little things.
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