So... I'm back for Six Sunday. Sorry for the hiatus. I had a busy September... Quit my day job (yes, to write... How incredibly immature, right?), got a bout of bad bronchitis that I'm still recovering from, and basically rearranged my life. But I feel good. The novel is in its final stages of editing, so I hope to start querying before the end of the year. Any feedback--comments, likes, dislikes, suggestions--is heartily welcomed and eagerly sought.
This week I'm sharing six sentences from the chapter following the last six sentences I posted. The novel explores stretching cultural boundaries through a story of love and loss. I hope you enjoy!
“I promise I’ll behave. Didn’t I behave last night?”
He had. Hand-holding wasn’t a crime, regardless of how guilty I felt about it. It wasn’t about him behaving, though. I might not be able to put it into words, but I knew I had to limit my exposure to Michael—things would happen otherwise, things I didn’t want to think about.
Please remember to visit the other Six Sunday-ers -- some awesome writers and stories in there! I look forward to reading your work, and thanks for the visit. Have an outstanding Sunday!
Loved this! So sweet and innocent. I want to read more of your work - am intrigued by the cultural aspect. It's real and tangible, and with the world getting smaller, more integrated, it happens round every corner. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Angela! And thank you for the visit and the lovely comment. Yep, I agree--the world IS getting smaller, and hopefully we, as a whole, will choose for admiration instead of disdain in the face of diversity. Thanks for stopping by!
ReplyDeleteLove it - the peep into her mind is totally realistic, esp the 'things I didn't want to happen' bit. Best of luck with this project, girl!
ReplyDeleteAnd congrats on picking up the courage to make writing your full-time commitment. You'll rock, I'm sure. :)
I clicked on the link to your last SSS to refresh my memory, yes, I remember that one well ;)
ReplyDeleteI really like the sweet, hesitant feel of this, but there were a couple things that caught my attention. You have beautiful writing, so they are a little small/fussy :)
The repetition of 'behave' (3x total) really stood out for me, especially in those first two lines. I like the meaning of the two lines and how they play off each other, but the rhythm just seems off when you read them out loud. Also, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be reading a pause between 'promise' and 'I'll' in the first line, as that changes the intonation, which then changes the rhythm of the sentences together.
...I told you it was fussy :p
The other was the phrase, 'limit my exposure'. It sounds... almost clinical, which reduces the feeling of hesitation/fear of letting her emotions carry her away.
Will you carry on from this point next week?
Ms. Zee and Ms. Monkey, thank you so much for the visit!
ReplyDeleteZee, thanks for the encouragement--I'm glad you enjoyed the glimpse into my MC's mind.
Ms. Monkey, fussy is GOOD :) I agree wholeheartedly -- everything you pointed out is right on track. Really, what was I thinking? Thanks for this feedback and I'll go ahead and make those tweaks. Yes, I'll try to continue next week at where it leaves off here... Sometimes I don't because whatever six follow aren't really that "grabbing" by themselves, but I'll try :)
Thanks again!
G
I'm looking forward to it :)
ReplyDelete