Thursday, December 29, 2011

Mantra for 2012--By Chuck Wendig

The Second Writer's Prayer, from Revenge Of The Pen Monkey, by awesome Chuck Wending.  Found it on TerribleMinds, Chuck's blog, and couldn't resist sharing it...  One, because Chuck's is a blog I think everyone should be following, and two, because the prayer is the most fuckin' uplifting thing I've ever read.  Made me want to climb to a rooftop and shout it out in a powerful Mercutio voice...  And, now I think of it, maybe I'll do just that.  Every day of 2012.

I am a writer, and I am done fucking around.

That which has prevented me lingers no longer. I am wind and storm and lightning and I shall huff and I shall puff and I shall blow all the barriers down. Then I will drink whisky made from the fear-urine of my loudest detractors and find power in their disbelief.

I don’t have time. I make time. I reach into the universe’s clockwork brain and I take whatever time I jolly well need. I cobble time out of sticks and mud and the finger-bones of naysayers. I am a motherfucking time wizard and with a wave of my pen shall create universes to conquer. Pockets of possibility. Born of my desire to have them made.

Fuck doubt. Doubt is a goblin on my back. I will reach for him with my ink-stained hands and grab his greasy head and fling him into the infinite nothing. His screams will thrill me. The resultant word-boner shall be mighty, and with this tremendous oaken stalk I shall swipe it left and swing it right and sweep all the road-blocks and brick-walls out of my way.

My distractions whimper and plead, their backs pressed against the wall, but I am no creature of mercy. Triple-Tap. Mozambique Drill. Two in the chest and one in the head. I laugh as they fall because their death clears the way and gives me purpose.

I will put myself on the page. I’m all in, with every card face up on the table. I am my stories and my stories are me. I do not merely write what I know: I write who I am. I’ll reach into my own chest and pluck out my still-beating heart and milk its juices like an overripe grapefruit. Squish.

That’s my blood on the page. The helix-spirals of my DNA wound around every word, every character, every plot point and page number. If CSI came here right now with one of those UV lights, you’d see the spatters and stains of my many penmonkey fluids because I can and will no longer contain my seed. You’ll take my inky seed and you’ll like my inky seed. It is a delightful moisturizer.

I do what needs doing. I ride the Loch Ness Monster through the gates of Carthage. I learn forbidden power words from the Undead Shamans of the Tulsa Underground. I kung-fu-kick a hole in the fabric of space and time and stick my head through to see what exists on the other side. I eat planets. I drink oceans. I piss rivers and I shit mountain lions. No task exists that I cannot accomplish on the page.

I write from a place of honesty. My stories are lies that speak truth.

Nobody tells me who I am or what I can’t do. I tell stories. I write characters. I make true shit up out of thin air. And nothing is more perfect than that.

My doubt is dead.

The dream is no longer a dream.

My desires are made manifest.

This is my reality now.

It’s time to load the guns, brew the ink, and go to work.

Because I am a writer, and I am done fucking around.



  1. Wonderful! And so true and inspiring. I'm done messing around come the new year.

  2. "I write from a place of honesty. My stories are lies that speak truth".

    First rate!

    Thanks for sharing this.

  3. Glad you enjoyed it, guys... I have to say, I bought two of Chuck's books and they're full of this same kind of kick-ass motivation. I know it won't work for everyone, probably, but it does for me. The truths he speaks, and the hilarious way he has of stripping them naked for full, if painful, absorption, are a gift from the universe. Happy to share this with you!

    He certainly doesn't beat about the bush - goes straight for the jugular!!
    A real "wake-up" call to seize your writing muse by the *bleep* and bend it to YOUR WILL!!

    Have a wonderful New Year, Guilie! See you in 2012!

  5. I used to make an annual New Year's resolution to give up swearing. Eventually, I resolved to just swear less, because sometimes swearing is too effective to go without.

    "I am a writer, and I am done fucking around", is one of those times.

    This will be my mantra for 2012. Thanks, Guilie, and Happy New Year!

  6. Oooh this is just ace! I may have to share this one...certainly save it for future reference. :D xoxo

  7. I came by looking for your Six Sunday post and found this fucking brilliant manifesto. Printed. Posted. And stabbed through the heart with a Bic.


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